Just to disappear like a bubble

"I wish there's this big hole that can make me disappear for a while. . ."

Seeing something you want fly  away from you like a piece of paper is a like letting whatever you wrote in there be read by everyone. We never write bad things about ourselves, but in reality, we have to connect to what makes us the black sheep. Sometimes, everything you worked hard for will vanish in just a second. And when the time comes, that you're ready to face the new page of your life. It’s very bizarre that those crashed dreams go back and slap you hard in your face. (Funny, right?) Sometimes we are also locked up with just one thing: our greatest dream, but still keys are unknown for you to open and win.



In my case, I’m different from everybody. I don’t have the intelligence that can nick the highest grade. I also don’t have the sense of worth. I don’t know how to fix things myself, even how to make one simple thing semi-perfect without repeating it 10 times. I don’t have a good voice that can make a whole stage a magical one. I don’t possess the nicest face in the world that can make someone smile. I can’t deliver a joke that can make everyone laugh. I can’t make every person in this world love me. I can’t make someone happy. I’m stuck with the things I can’t do. Before, I'm a different person, I'm not actually like this.

 I don’t actually expect that the door from that dream opens again and tries to pull me back to what I’ve dreamed of before. Knowing that opportunity knocks only once, I was bound by the things I already forgot about. Now, I’m struggling how can I continue what I’ve started, I’m like at this terminal where in I’d like to change my ticket and go back to that old route. I’m stuck with two things, a best reason from the past or practical move in the present. I want to be free and accept everything slickly. I tried to nod and accept the offer, but then again, I don’t want to waste something that I worked for almost 3years. Another side of me convinces me to accept it and start all over again, but still, one side says no. 

I never expected that it'll come back and let me in for good. But still, I don't want to waste everything. But if accepting again what's really for me before, I would love to disappear like a bubble and be in.

"You worked hard for it almost half of your life , playing it is the hardest part. You can win but still, there's always a chance of losing." - Dennis Coben, friend


:(